Bad Mommy

I'm going to tell you something.  Some of you may not like it.  Some of you may not understand it.  But my hope is that some of you will perhaps relate, and you will tell me so.

Okay, so here it is.

I didn't really enjoy those first few months of motherhood at all.  In fact, at one point, I actually regretted the decision to have a baby.  I did not want to hold my baby constantly.  I never said, "I just want to eat your face!"  I did not stare at him for hours on end.  I didn't immediately feel like a mother.  I took every opportunity to leave the house, run an errand, get some time alone.  In fact, for a lot of the time, I wished I was at work.  Or anywhere else.

Those first 2-3 months of Will's life were some of the hardest, most stressful, and yes, saddest days I've ever had.

Some of it was due to the fact that breast-feeding was very challenging for us, and I really beat myself up about that.  Some of it was that my Mom left 4 days after we came home from the hospital, and Tim was back at work immediately.  Will and I were alone together all day.  And as he was up every two hours eating, we were alone together all night too.  I was lonely.  I was in physical pain.  I missed my freedom, my independence, my old life.  I was overwhelmed with the experience & responsibility of caring for 100% of another person's needs.

"Aren't you just so happy?"  "Don't you just love being a mother?"  "Isn't he just the best thing that ever happened to you?"

And now, the answer is yes.  But back then....are you fucking kidding me?

And that was another reason I felt so lonely.  Yeah, of course some women will mention "baby blues" or even go as far as "postpartum", but you really only hear about the *extreme* cases.  We don't ever really talk about the minor cases, the small things.  We truly believe we are alone.

And even now, as I talk to other mothers, both new & experienced, I've got to tell you, I still feel alone.  Maybe I just need to find my rose-colored glasses and look back on those first few months differently.  With all of my heart, I wish that I had been able to enjoy that time.  I wish that I just loved every single second of it.  I wish that I didn't want to hand my baby off every chance I got.  I really wish that were the case.  But it's not.  And while I am truly so very happy for every other mother that *has* been able to love every moment of new motherhood, I just don't understand it.

And so now, after letting you in on my secret shame, I ask you, am I truly alone here?  Am I really the only new mommy that wished, just a little bit, or maybe even a lot, that she wasn't?  Tell me.  I'm begging you. Tell me your dirty little early motherhood secrets.

If you don't judge me, I won't judge you.

The Naked Truth

Apparently, my child, like Tobias Funke, is a Never Nude. 

After losing his mind when being forced to change out of his PJs and put on a clean diaper, we decided it was time to leave the house for a while.  A walk for Will, beer for Mommy & Daddy - it's a win/win. 

In keeping with the spirit of nudity, we decide to hit up Naked City Brewery, a great little alehouse in Greenwood.  Naked City is actually Will's favorite bar as he has been there several times since birth including at age 6 days.  It's kind of his local.  We love this place because we can walk to it, they have 20+ interesting micro-brews plus cider on tap, the bartenders are amzing, and, suprisingly, they are super baby-friendly.  There is a clear separation between the bar and the restaurant, but you don't feel like you are being exiled.  And if you are baby-free, you can totally sit at the bar without feeling like you are at Gymboree.  They also serve a mean hot pretzel. 

Unfortunately for us, Will did not forgot about the trauma of the earlier clothes-changing incident, and he was not super cooperative.  After a bit of fussing, Tim took him around the block to calm him down which prompted our favorite bartender, Karina, to thank us for being such amazing parents.  Yes, I sighed as I sipped my beer in peace for the 7 minutes they were gone, we are amazing parents. 

Note:  Naked City is open at 4pm during the week, but they open up at noon on weekends.  All day happy hour on Sunday.

Baby in Bartell's

There are some days that you just can't take your baby to a bar.  Those are usually the days when you are most in need of a visit to a place that serves alcohol in copious amounts.  Do not fret.  You always have the option of consuming at home!  It's cheaper too.

Will and I had one of those days on Friday.  In a two birds, one stone scenario, we headed out on a walk to Bartell's.  The walk was to calm Will, the destination, which helpfully sells both wine and Pretzel M&Ms, was to help Mommy.

While shopping, Will woke up and decided he hated Bartell's, hated his Graco, and generally hated Friday.  Undeterred, I motored around the store, grabbing whatever alcohol and chocolate I happened to see first.  As we checked out, the following scene played out.

Cashier:  "Do you need a bag for your wine?"
Will:  Baby scream.
Me:  "No.  I'm going to drink it on the way home."
Cashier & Shoppers behind me:  Silent horrified stares.
Me:  Wild eyes, crazy smile.
Will:  Longer, louder baby scream.

And scene.

Sometimes we have to make our own fun.

Ain't No Thing

Wings are delicious.  Unfortunately, for 9 long months, I was forced to be wing-free.  Bean did not enjoy meat on the bone while in utero.  Fortunately for him me, we seem to be in the postnatal clear.  And so, last night we took our second trip to Wing Dome!

Wing Dome is an interesting beast.  A bar in the body of an old autoshop, and it looks totally divey.  But it's completely and totally kid-friendly.  We're not even being rebels by bringing our baby to this bar.  In fact, Tuesdsay nights are "Dad's Night To Cook":  with every adult, a kids eat for free.  Yeah, it was all Gymboree up in there last night. 

But no matter the day, Wing Dome is a great option for getting out, getting some beer (pitchers!), and getting some yummy food.  Besides wings, they have a full menu so if you too are not-so-keen on meat on the bone, you've got options.  And their wing sauce options besides the regular buffalo - thai chili, garlic, rasta, peanut - are fantastic.  And would it kill them to have tator tots?  No, it fact, it would not.  Yippee! 

No issues negotiating your way through the bar with the hummer, great waitresses who take no issues with kids breaking things and making messes, changing table thing-y in the bathroom.  Yeah, Wing Dome is practically a bar made for babies.   

Will can't wait to try his first 7 Alarm wing.  Probably 6 more weeks should do it.