***Disclaimer: This is actually a post I wrote a few years ago. Several conversations I've had recently made me think it might be interesting to some folks now.
***Another Disclaimer: This post was originally inspired by nothing specific except for years of musing on the topic and possibly a Tori Amos song.
Sometimes we, as coupled folks, get our heads turned. You know what I mean by "heads turned", right? We get, shall we say, distracted by someone that is not our partner. Maybe it lasts for a dance or a song or a drink. Or maybe it's a little more durable - it becomes a crush. This person is not your partner. You don't pick their dirty undies off the floor. You don't bicker with them over the little things...or the big things. They can be anything you want them to be. And so, our heads are turned.
It's natural, normal, human for us to turn around for someone else every now and then. Fidelity is a gift we give our partners. I certainly wouldn't say it comes naturally. It's work. It's hard. Often, we fail. Having our heads turned is almost like a get-out-of-jail-free card. As long as you don't act on it.
Tim and I made a deal a long time ago that we would tell each other about our crushes. (And if anyone tries to tell me that they've never had a crush on anyone else other than their partner, I will openly call them a liar.) I think this seems like a good thing. When you talk about it with your partner, they are now part of that world. Nothing is secretive, nothing is hidden. And who knows? Maybe you might have a little fun with it. Depending.
Because having your head turned can be really quite exciting, can't it? The fantasy of someone you don't know well. The imagining of who they might be, who you want them to be, how the two of you could be. The not knowing. Ah, the delicious taste of ambiguity.