The Scariest Halloween Tale You'll Ever Read

Quiet now, Gentle Reader, and I'll tell you the tale of the scariest Halloween ever.  Consider yourself warned.   

It was Halloween 2010, and it was dark & stormy night in Seattle.  While usually this is a quiet night amongst ghouls and goblins (they consider it "amateur hour"), this year was a little different.  This year, the wickedness in all of them couldn't be contained.  And so, the witches & the warlocks, the ghoulies and the ghosts, and one Pilot and his Stewardess, in search of tricks and treats and mini-bottles of alcohol, stormed the streets of Ballard wreaking havoc on the bars and restaurants, but mostly on themselves. Please ensure that your seatbelts are fastened for takeoff.  Smoking is allowed on this flight.

Like so many fallen horror film friends before them, this Pilot and his Stewardess went ahead and broke every rule out there.  Everything from the Bad Idea In Order To Survive Playbook was put into action.  Every mistake was made.  Everyone knew danger was lurking, but no one listened. Instead, they drank, smoked, had unprotected sex Just This One Time, and drank and smoked some more.  They basically called out to the unknown monsters awaiting them, "Here we are! Come and get us!  We can't do anything to stop you!"

(Cue distant scream from an undisclosed location.)  They looked around, wondering who was crying out.  Seeing nothing, they went back to their wicked ways, unaware of the danger that was just on the horizon.

And then....9 months later....they finally realized where that scream was coming from.  And there were no Emergency Exits in sight. 

BOO!

Be safe out there, kids.  There is no turning back. 

Happy Halloween!

Zombies V. Babies: Battle Halloween

A very important discovery has been made over this Halloween weekend:  Babies and Zombies are strikingly, and often, frighteningly, similar. 

Case in point:

1. Babies and zombies both communicate in a series of low grunts, groans, and moans. 
2. Both are completely and totally tireless in their pursuit of what sustains them. 
3. After a prolonged encounter with either one (especially in the middle of the night), one feels as if one's brain has been obliterated.
4. The double tap is oh-so-necessary when both battling a zombie and trying to put a baby to bed. 
5. Neither care whether it is day or night.  Remember, they never get tired!
6. Even a brief interaction with a zombie or a baby can inspire deep fear into the hearts of many.
7. Cardio.  Endurance is key to your survival.
8. In order to avoid waking either beast, BE QUIET.
9. Zombies and babies cannot climb.  Thankfully.
10. And finally, whether battling in a post-apocalyptic zombie world or adjusting to life with an infant, the most important thing to remember is...enjoy the little things.  They're all you've got left now.

Happy Halloween!