Come Fly With Me

Babies On A Plane!  ...coming soon to a 747 near you!

Yes, Will has now completed the infant equivalent of a full marathon:  SEA - DTW - SEA.  No training, no dry runs, just a let's-do-this-thing mentality and a swaddle. 

Note:  You may not think that this post has any relevance to the bar blog, but IN FACT, just add alcohol and a plane becomes a FLYING BAR.  Think about that for a minute.  A flying bar.

So, yes, SEA - DTW - SEA, nonstop on Delta, but a 4-hour+ flight just the same.  And honestly, the kid was awesome.  Just as regular bars have a lot of background noise, various lights, and things for babies to stare at, flying bars are the same - just a lot more expensive. 

Parents, I know you're on to all of the little tips and tricks that make flying with a kid easier, so I'll spare you.  However, as you have come to expect, I have some tips for you that might make "taking the edge off" a bit easier. 

1. Arrive early.  Yeah, yeah, getting through security by yourself with an infant, a stroller, a carseat, a diaper bag, 4 blankets, 3 bottles, 18 diapers, wipes, 4 pacis, and an US Weekly might take a while.  But more importantly, you need to have time to hit up one of the airport bars pre-flight. Having a large $14 beer will greatly reduce the stress of boarding your flight with said items and 2 hands.
2. Suck up to the counter agent.  If there are extra seats available on the flying bar, they can block the seat next to you to give you a little more room.  And by a little more room, I mean space for a tray table to open to hold your wine. 
3. Smile sweetly at your seatmeats while also looking slightly manic.  Chances are, someone near you is a parent or a grandparent.  They are quite familiar with that crazy look in a new parent's eye that says "Someone please take my child so I can pee, eat a few peanuts and gulp a glass of Chardonnay before I lose my freakin' mind."  Folks will take pity on you.  If you manage to brush your hair and avoid spit-up stains on the day, you might even get the guy next to you to lend you his tray table. 
4. Have your credit card at the ready.  When you first pile into the flying bar, organize you and your baby before everyone else has boarded.  Get out everything you might need in arm's reach and put it in the pocket in front of you.  This includes your credit card.  Otherwise, the chances of you being able to reach it when the flying bartenders come around with the wine are minimal.  You don't want to miss this opportunity.  It may not happen again. 
5. Finally, alert the folks at your destination of your needs when you arrive.  After your long day of hauling more crap that you ever thought humanly possible, holding your squirming baby while sitting for 4+ hours, seeking out hard-to-find elevators because you can't take the escalators, and overall just being a freakin' superwoman, YOU DESERVE A BIG GLASS OF WINE.   

P.S.  Does anyone else love the idea of a Babies On A Plane and Go The Fuck To Sleep mash-up from Samuel L. Jackson?  There's definitely something there.