No Complaints Here

Let's face it. I can be a bit of a whiner.  

"I'm too...."

"Why didn't I....?"

"I hate....."

"I have to....."

"I never...."

Complain, complain, complain. I've been feeling lately like that's really all I do. And that's in spite of me pretty much having absolutely nothing to complain about whatsoever.

I read about Complaint/Restraint via a Fast Company article a month or so ago, and I haven't been able to let it go. What would it be like to really focus on living a life without complaints? Is it possible to completely eliminate complaining all together? 

I'm gonna give it a try.  

For the next 4 weeks, I'm going to focus on the positive & attempt to totally cast out complaints. I'll be chronicling my journey toward a whine-free (but not wine-free, obviously) existence here on Fridays. Will it affect my success at work? My relationships? My will power? Will there be no discernible changes in my life? I don't know, but I'm ready to find out. 

Anyone with me? We can be like a Complainers Anonymous support group for each other. Anyone? Don't mess me up on my first day by making me complain that I have to go it alone....

No, Really, It's Okay

The statements I am about to make might be startling to some of you.  They might make you uncomfortable. You might not be able to relate.  But I am going to say them anyway.

Sometimes my child is an asshole. 
Sometimes my husband and I long for the days when it was just us.
Sometimes I long for the days when it was just me.
Sometimes I want to go back and make different decisions.
Sometimes I wish we had just used a condom.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if Tim and I had just broken up after that big fight right after I moved to Seattle.
Sometimes I want to be somebody other than me.

I know some of you feel the same way as I do, and maybe you've been mommy-shamed or friend-shamed or spouse-shamed for feeling this way - I know I have - but I am here to tell you that it's okay.  It's okay to feel this way.  It has to be okay for us to feel this way.

It's okay to miss your freedom.  It's okay to miss flirting.  It's okay to miss your independence.  It's okay to miss international travel.  It's okay to miss sleeping in.  It's okay to miss being selfish.  It's okay to absolutely delight in your time away from your family.  It's okay to take a Girls/Guys Weekend to Vegas.  It's okay to schedule an Adventure Night (our code name for the otherwise hideously known "Date Night") every week and wish for more.  It's okay to miss the "old days".  It's okay to long for an entire weekend to yourself.  It's okay for you to want it to be about you every once in awhile.  It has to be okay to feel these things.  It has to be okay for us to talk about feeling these things without fear. 

It doesn't mean we don't love our families.  It doesn't mean that we are bad parents or bad partners.  It doesn't mean that we aren't happy with the lives we lead.  It just means that sometimes we're looking over the fence at grass that appears greener. 

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but it has to be okay to check it out every once in awhile.  How else will we know that our own grass, though overgrown & mossy in patches, is still pretty fucking green after all?

A Look Back

Because Facebook never seems to tell the whole story, I think it's time to remove the filters & break down my true 2014.  Here's an actual Year in Review of a Full Time Marketer, a Full Time Mommy & a Full Time Party Girl.  Thanks for being a part of it.

1. Successfully made it to Boo's third birthday which he insisted on celebrating without pants
   
2. Listened to "Shake It Off" and "Problem" way too many times
3. Struggled with balance, often finding myself on a teeter-totter of extremes
4. Relished, delighted in, and truly loved being a Mother to Boo & took great pleasure in our time together, watching him grow & change, and experiencing joy & newness through his eyes
5. Relished, delighted in, and truly loved my time alone, with Tim or with my girlfriends
6. Changed the name from "Date Nights" to "Adventure Nights" & made them a priority again
7. Embraced my total Book Nerdiness & read a ton of new genres & authors
8. Called myself a writer, but only wrote 10 blog posts (wait, 11 including this one!)
9. Continued my love affair with wine while actually learning a lot about it during trips to Paso Robles, Napa and Sonoma, twice
10. Learned the definitions of "microagressions" and "mansplaining" & experienced both, along with straight-up sexism, in both professional & personal settings
11. Resolved that I would never, ever again allow myself to be condescended to or bullied again
12. Began running again, found a renewed positive attitude toward it, achieved Personal Bests during a 5K in June & another in November, and committed to running my first half-marathon in June 2015(!)
13. Celebrated as Boo started & thrived in preschool!  Cried at the quick decline of our family's health accompanying this milestone
14. Loved my job, feared losing my job, questioned how good I was at my job, put everything I had into my job, thought about finding a new job, cried over changes to come in my job, explored how I could turn my love of my job into a business, and, finally, embraced the uncertainty of my job
15. Cried as my Aunt, my God Mother, someone I've been very close with over all of these years, battles a disease that has turned her into a shell of herself.  Prayed - something I almost never do - for her and our family and all of the families struggling with disease & dementia
16. Watched as my friendships changed, mourning those that are now lost & finding joy in new friends, renewed friends, and, of course, old friends
17. Laughed.  A lot.  Cried a lot too.  (I guess there was balance in some areas then.)
18. Dug deep into the idea of "Having It All", struggled with the guilt of being a working mother, and learned from the experiences of other women.  Looked forward to continuing to pursue & share more on this topic in the new year 
19. Navigated the minefield that is a 9-year relationship; always trying to be careful, treading lightly & treating it with respect while always just a little worried what might blow up
20. Chalked up yet another year without international travel (not counting Canada, eh), and the hole in my gypsy soul got bigger by the day
21. Had lots and lots and lots of Dance Parties (see #2)
22. Accepted some of the things in my life I cannot change, forgave myself for some larger mistakes and simultaneously struggled with regret
23. Marked the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation, reminding me of the 18 year old poet & dreamer that's still inside me & remembering to listen to her a little more often
24. Thought to myself over and over again, "I can't do this.  This is too hard.  I am not equipped for this.  I can't, I can't, I can't."  But then I went ahead and did it anyway. 
25. Expressed gratitude for this amazing life I am lucky enough to lead.  But not nearly often as I should have done.

What a year it's been. xo

My Favorite Things 2013

Another holiday season is upon us which means it must be time for another edition of My Favorite Things!
Again, I should remind you, Gentle Reader, that while you won't be gifted with many any of these things this year for being a loyal follower of this blog, you WILL receive riches and wishes beyond your wildest dreams when I, along with Baby In A Bar, become revered across the land.  I expect this to happen just as soon as I find time to write regular bi-weekly blog posts.  You do the math.

My Favorite Things 2013

1.  Pomegranate Seeds

I was first introduced to these little beauties by my friend Nicole of Savory Pear Catering, early in the year, and I had had no idea what I was missing.  Not only are they delightful little pops of yumminess in your mouth, they are also incredibly good for you.  I love them mixed into Green yogurt, tossed in a salad along with oranges & beets, or thrown into a morning smoothie.  Don't be scared of seeding a pomegranate - it's really not hard.  But if you'd prefer the lazy convenient way as I often do, you can buy the seeds prepackaged.

2.  LL Bean Flannel Sheets

Full disclosure:  I would not have purchased these sheets if I didn't have a gift card that needed to be used up.  Not generally a Bean Girl, I had a dig deep into the website to find something to spend it on when lo & behold, I came across the bedding.  The weather had started to change, and a new pair of flannels sounded mighty fine.  I would not normally pay this much for sheets, but again, the gift card!  Gentle Reader, these sheets are like sleeping in a hug.  So soft, so warm, so inviting.  Plan on spending more time in bed - never a bad thing. (Winky smiley.)

3.  Parenthood (TV series, streaming on Netflix)

Ah, yes, I realize that I am officially acknowledging that I am old when I tell you that one of My Favorite Things of the year is a television show about being a parent.  But this show is so good, I don't care.  If you're like me and binge-watching is usually reserved for shows that involve drug production or vampire-slaying, a family dramedy is probably not in your Netflix queue.  Watch an episode.  Suddenly it will be 3am, and you'll be wondering how you can get the Bravermans to adopt you.

4.  SmashBox BB Cream

My friend Davia preached to me about this BB Cream for a good hour, and I will preach the same - although slightly abridged version - to you.  Girls, go out and yourself some of this SPF 35 miracle cream.  Your face will look smooth, even & glowing. I expect to see a lot of selfies in the near future.  

5.  New Roots Organics 

I am completely & totally in love with New Roots Organics, our CSA delivery.  My favorite day of the week is produce delivery day.  Yes, I'm a total veggie whore.  You can customize the size of your bin, the frequency of your deliveries, as well as what you receive.  I love that I can sub out kale for yucky fennel.  I love that I can add additional items.  I love that it comes directly to my door just like a yummy bi-weekly present.  I love their customer service.  Oh, and if you sign up, use me as a referral, okay? I'll make you some kale chips in return. 

6.  Books

I want to read my books in book form.  I want to love them up and crease their spines and fold corners of their pages.  I want to tuck them under my arm while I look for a seat at my coffee shop.  I want to feel the weight of them in my carry-on.  I want that new book smell from a hot-off-the-presses novel from a first time author.  I want that musty, moldy aroma from a classic that hasn't been checked out of the library in years.  I want to see row after row lined up on our many bookshelves and stacked in piles next to our bed.  My son will inherit beat-up copies of The Runaway Bunny and Good Night Moon, and, later, The Hardy Boys and Harry Potter.  We will run our fingers over the yellowed pages of the final The Ends.  And then we'll read them again.  

7.  BevMo!

Oh, BevMov!, where have you been all my life?  BOGO wine deals, incredible coupons. both cheap & spendy options, craft beer & hard A, you are my kind of party store.  Let's stay together.

8.  Alessandro Hand Spa

I received a tube of this hand cream in one of my Birch Boxes this year, and I was completely hooked.  It's literally the best hand cream I've ever used.  And it smells delicious.  Oh, and a what a lovely stocking-stuffer too! 

9.  SkinnyPop Popcorn

If you know me at all, you know that I love me some popcorn.  My favorite bachelorette dinner is a giant bowl of popcorn and an equally giant glass of wine.  Although I usually bust out my own trusty airpopper, sometimes I really don't want need that much popcorn.  This is where the SkinnyPop comes into play.  First, it's effing delicious.  Second, it only has 39 calories per cup.  Third, it's effing delicious.  And if your child has inherited your incredible love of popcorn as mine has, you might want to start buying in bulk.

10.  My Girls

And last, but certainly not least, My Favorite Things of 2013 are My Girls.  My gang, my club, my confidantes, my strength, my mirror, my sounding board, my champions, my fellow Mommies in the Bar, my BFFs, my girls.  Distance may separate us.  Our busy schedules may keep us from each other.  Miscommunications may create some challenges.  Disagreements may occur.  But after everything is said & done, you are my heart.  

Happy Holidays!  May Santa bring you all of YOUR favorite things this & every year.

xo

It Was A Great Day

I found some old journals while cleaning out my closet the other day, and I starting thumbing through a few of them.  There was an undated entry from what I'm guessing was my sophomore year at Albion.  It was titled, "Perfect Moments:  days I would like to live over exactly as they were." (Um, I know I'm talking about myself here, but seriously, how cute is that?)

As I read through the list, it occurred to me that nothing on it was really earth-shattering.  These were not the *BIG* moments, the supposedly life-changing events that mark most of our histories.  Birthdays, graduations, proms, holidays, "firsts", they were not included on the list.  No, instead, the most Perfect Moments of my 19-years were made of simpler stuff.

A particularly perfect sunny August day spent at the lake.  A trip to an amusement park. Wasting away an afternoon doing nothing with my BFF while waiting for what we thought was the "real fun" at a party later that night.  Three college buddies walking for miles, on a road to nowhere, talking about nothing & everything all at the same time.  Spilling secrets while sitting on the side of a lake drinking High Life from a can.  An impromptu dance party under the stars.

I smiled as I read this list.  Some of the Perfect Moments I remembered clear as day.  Others I had to dig deep to place.  Some of them I can't find again at all.  And yet, I'm still smiling.

I'm smiling because I knew then that happiness could be found in a cup of coffee at Silverman's or a shared laugh or a real & true conversation.  I knew that I had something special in the good friends that I had found.  I knew that life's Perfect Moments weren't those that were photographed & stuck in albums or those with their own recurring space on the calendar or those that required a special outfit.  Even at 19, I knew better.

While I've been wasting my time waiting for the "something bigs" and the "super-excitings", the for real Best-Days-Ever are taking place right now.  And suddenly, I know now what I knew then.  Millions of Perfect Moments are happening every day.

Now, let's start up that list again, shall we?    

Join The Club

I had a conversation on Friday about being a parent.  I was chatting with someone without kids about what it's like to have kids.  

"Tell me the truth," he said.  "The only thing anyone ever says is, 'It's the best thing I ever did.'"

I laughed and immediately replied, "It's the best thing I ever did."  Long pause.  "And it's the hardest thing I ever did."  

I'm going to speak honestly here.  Are you ready?

There are certainly been times that I have thought to myself, or even said out loud to Tim, why in the hell did we decide to have a kid?  Being a parent is unbelievably hard - especially when you are as selfish as I am.  It is not about *you* anymore, not ever.  (Well, maybe on Mother's Day, but you're probably committing at least 407 selfless acts on that day instead of your usual 907.)  There are the really hard days where nothing is right and no one is happy and many tears are shed.  There are the days when you just want to run away and do only what you want to do when you want to do it.  There are the days when you feel like you haven't been alone in years, and you just want to have 5 freaking minutes by yourself to silently pound a glass of wine.

And then there are the other days.  The days of baby laughs and beaming smiles.  Days of cuddles and kisses, new experiences and pure joy.  The days of growth and excitement and change.  The days of seeing the world for the first time through your child's eyes.  And these days come so much more often than the others.  

So here's the thing that I didn't say to him but should have:  Becoming a parent gives us this outrageous capacity for love.  You will love this little person more than you ever thought possible.  I think our hearts must grow 3 sizes on the day that we first see our baby's face.  And along with that love come this new & incredible compassion for others.  We are more empathetic, we are more patient, we are more kind.  I believe that, for me, being a parent has made me a better person.

(It also makes us absolute freaking superheroes.  There's something pretty cool about that too.)  

Let Them Eat Cake!

Why, yes, I think I *will* have it all, thank you very much.

The other day, I received an email from a Dude I went to college with in Michigan.  It was the basic, hey, how are ya, where did you end up kind of email.  I told him that I have an 18-month old son.  (I left out the part about bringing him to bars.)  In Dude's follow-up email, he said, and I quote, "Wow, I didn't expect you to become a mother. I always thought you would be some high-powered executive with an amazing job."

Dude.

Shockingly, women can now have *both* children *and* amazing careers.  I know.  I am in disbelief as well.

C'mon, ladies.  Let's go buy our own damn cake.