A Look Back

Because Facebook never seems to tell the whole story, I think it's time to remove the filters & break down my true 2014.  Here's an actual Year in Review of a Full Time Marketer, a Full Time Mommy & a Full Time Party Girl.  Thanks for being a part of it.

1. Successfully made it to Boo's third birthday which he insisted on celebrating without pants
   
2. Listened to "Shake It Off" and "Problem" way too many times
3. Struggled with balance, often finding myself on a teeter-totter of extremes
4. Relished, delighted in, and truly loved being a Mother to Boo & took great pleasure in our time together, watching him grow & change, and experiencing joy & newness through his eyes
5. Relished, delighted in, and truly loved my time alone, with Tim or with my girlfriends
6. Changed the name from "Date Nights" to "Adventure Nights" & made them a priority again
7. Embraced my total Book Nerdiness & read a ton of new genres & authors
8. Called myself a writer, but only wrote 10 blog posts (wait, 11 including this one!)
9. Continued my love affair with wine while actually learning a lot about it during trips to Paso Robles, Napa and Sonoma, twice
10. Learned the definitions of "microagressions" and "mansplaining" & experienced both, along with straight-up sexism, in both professional & personal settings
11. Resolved that I would never, ever again allow myself to be condescended to or bullied again
12. Began running again, found a renewed positive attitude toward it, achieved Personal Bests during a 5K in June & another in November, and committed to running my first half-marathon in June 2015(!)
13. Celebrated as Boo started & thrived in preschool!  Cried at the quick decline of our family's health accompanying this milestone
14. Loved my job, feared losing my job, questioned how good I was at my job, put everything I had into my job, thought about finding a new job, cried over changes to come in my job, explored how I could turn my love of my job into a business, and, finally, embraced the uncertainty of my job
15. Cried as my Aunt, my God Mother, someone I've been very close with over all of these years, battles a disease that has turned her into a shell of herself.  Prayed - something I almost never do - for her and our family and all of the families struggling with disease & dementia
16. Watched as my friendships changed, mourning those that are now lost & finding joy in new friends, renewed friends, and, of course, old friends
17. Laughed.  A lot.  Cried a lot too.  (I guess there was balance in some areas then.)
18. Dug deep into the idea of "Having It All", struggled with the guilt of being a working mother, and learned from the experiences of other women.  Looked forward to continuing to pursue & share more on this topic in the new year 
19. Navigated the minefield that is a 9-year relationship; always trying to be careful, treading lightly & treating it with respect while always just a little worried what might blow up
20. Chalked up yet another year without international travel (not counting Canada, eh), and the hole in my gypsy soul got bigger by the day
21. Had lots and lots and lots of Dance Parties (see #2)
22. Accepted some of the things in my life I cannot change, forgave myself for some larger mistakes and simultaneously struggled with regret
23. Marked the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation, reminding me of the 18 year old poet & dreamer that's still inside me & remembering to listen to her a little more often
24. Thought to myself over and over again, "I can't do this.  This is too hard.  I am not equipped for this.  I can't, I can't, I can't."  But then I went ahead and did it anyway. 
25. Expressed gratitude for this amazing life I am lucky enough to lead.  But not nearly often as I should have done.

What a year it's been. xo

Like A Boss

I have been told many, many times in my life that I am bossy.  I've been told I can be "difficult".  I am "tough as nails".  I can be "challenging to work with".  Does this make me feel belittled?  Inferior?  Like less of a leader?  Does it make me want to #BanBossy?

Hell no.

Yes, I am bossy.  I am also the boss.  I get things done.  Yes, I'll tell you what to do - "boss you around", some might say - but only after I've cracked the whip on myself.  Can I be difficult, challenging, & tough?  Damn right.  I am those things because I am passionate.  I am strong.  I care.  And you know that I am not asking/telling you to do anything that I wouldn't/couldn't/haven't done myself.  I'm with you in the trenches.  I get my hands dirty.  I am bossy and gutsy when the situation calls for it.  And proud of it. 

There will be no banning of bossy of my household.  I will not be offended or threatened by this word, nor do I think we should teach our kids that they should be either. Take bossy - along with ambitious, assertive, tough, challenging - and feel empowered by them.  Own them.  We can teach our children - all of the children as these are not gender-specific words - that they do not need to react defensively to any of these labels.  Instead, we can feel pride that we are kind of people that make things happen.  We have guts & strength.  We are passionate.  We care.  We can be proud when we are referred to as bossy.  

We can teach our kids that Bossy one day becomes The Boss.  And The Boss Runs The Show.  

It's Your Day - A Woman's Day.

Today is International Women's Day.  Nasdarovje*!

I first became aware of International Women's Day, oh, maybe 5 years ago.  Our close friends, Maura & Gabe, having been in the Peace Corp in Ukraine where Women's Day is an actual national holiday, brought the celebration back to us here in Seattle.  They would host a party, they said.  We were to arrive at 3pm. We were instructed to bring a bottle (or two) of vodka, and we were given specific Ukrainian dishes to make & bring to share.  (Aside:  I was, until this party, a beet virgin.  Beets stain things, friends. They stain everything.  End of aside.)

When one arrives at an International Women's Day party, one notices that all of the regular furniture that belongs in the host's living room is absent.  Instead, it is replaced with long family-style tables and chairs. The tables are lined with bottles of vodka and overflowing bowls of food wherein potatoes and pickled vegetables are in abundance.  Everyone is smiling and laughing and hugging and talking.  Find your seat, friends, because the celebration is about to begin!  Nasdarovje!

It's International Women's Day**, and it's a day to celebrate the women in our lives, the women we love, the women who have changed us, the women who have made us who we are, the women we can't imagine our lives without, the women who inspire us, the women who give us hope, the women who have sacrificed for us.  It is a day for all women:  mothers, daughters, sisters, grandmothers, wives, and girlfriends.

We all take our seats at the table, and there is a buzz in the air.  Someone stands, raises his glass, and proposes a toast to the beauty & loveliness of all of the women in the room.  Definitely a toast I can get behind.  Nasdarovje!  We all clink, drink, and the celebration is officially underway.

This Women's Day party is truly a Thanksgiving.  Strangers are now family, bonded over our common love of women.  And vodka.  The food is never-ending.  "Just keep eating," Maura encourages us.  We all take turns standing & offering our toasts to all of the world's wonderful women.  The celebration continues into the night.  We're dancing and laughing and the toasts begin to get a little blurry.

The next morning I wake up with beet-stained fingers, glitter in my bed, and a deep gratitude for all of the strong, courageous, wise, patient, generous, beautiful women in my life, both near & far.

Today is International Women's Day.  I think a celebration is in order.
Here's to you, ladies.  Nasdarovje.

*I do not know if this is the correct spelling.  The internet offers many options.

**Please note, International Women's Day has a long history, and I am not trying to discount that by leaving it out of this post.  This is simply how Women's Day was introduced to me, and this is what it means to me.

***Maura's original caption to this picture was, "Tim, it's Women's Day! Give her that beer! And for that matter, give her your hat too!"

Get Glowing!

Confession time:  I gained 10 pounds in the last 6 months of 2013.  True story.  Wow, it's, like, even more shocking now that I see it in writing.  Now before you think I was unhappy or using chocolate & cheese to soothe myself during another Seattle rainy day, I want to make something clear.  I totally loved every minute that I was making myself fat.

I know.  Gasp, right?

Here's the thing - 2013 was a great freaking year.  I celebrated early & often with amazing meals which included lots of wine, bread & dessert.  I also work from home which means getting from my bed to my workspace is a minimal commute, and I'm not spending the hours on my feet that I used to.  And while I embraced running in the early part of the year, later it just didn't seem as important as work, playing blocks with Boo, or binge-watching Friday Night Lights.  Basically, any kind of balance flew out the window, and my health & well-being became my lowest priorities. Sound familiar?

And then came mid-December.  Holy shit, friends.  I could, quite literally, only fit into 2 pairs of my pants - not including yoga pants. Yoga pants, I might add, for which I was clearly not wearing to do yoga.  Dude. That sucks.  That sucks so bad.

Something had to give.

I am a person that both puts weight on & takes it off pretty easily.  But I didn't need a crash diet or a quick fix.  I needed a lifestyle change.  A new way of thinking.  A mindset reboot.  I needed a new balance.

And then I found Jenn Jordan, the Resolution Challenge, and For The Glow.

Long story short - the Resolution Challenge is a 6-week program for women only that includes personal coaching from the amazing Jenn, a detox diet, meal plans, webinars, tons of recipes, participation in a private Facebook community, daily online workout videos plus loads of additional workout options including in-person here in Seattle.  At this point, I am only 4 1/2 weeks in, and I swear to God, my life has changed.  And because I could not imagine not being a Glow Girl anymore after my 6 weeks is up, I am now a Lifetime For The Glow Member.

Aside:  I am not usually the type of person that schills things via my blog, right?  You've got to know how much I love this program if I'm writing about it.  In addition, I'm really not the type of person that talks about eating healthy & working out either so that also speaks to my passion.  End of aside.

And this is why I'm writing this blog post.  While I'm not going to give you my results just yet - hey, I still have a week and a half to go - I will tell you, a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in 7 months, fit again.  My super skinny-haven't-been-able-to-wear-them-since-2008-jeans are thisclose to looking amazing. (Although stylish may be a different story.)  But it's not about the weight loss anymore.  It's about the complete & total lifestyle change.  It's about feeling, looking, and actually being strong.  It's about positivity & mindfulness & inner beauty.  It's about making the best choices for myself.  It's about balance.  It's about community.  It's about realizing that I'm stronger that I think I am. It's about kicking ass.

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy.  I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

I wanted to blog about For The Glow right now because I know there are a lot of ladies out there that feel the same as me.  You want a change.  You need a change.  You're seeking balance.  You're ready to kick some ass.  If that sounds like you, I highly, highly recommend joining me as a Glow Girl right now.

Cause here's the thing - from now through Feb 11, you can become a Lifetime Member for $189.  That means you'll get tons of meal plans, diets, workouts, connection to an amazing community of women, and coaching from Jenn.  Oh, and when you do those workouts, first you'll get your ass kicked.  But before you know it, you'll be kicking ass.  And no, you don't have to be in Seattle. You can totally have your ass kicked virtually.  You'll also automatically be enrolled in each year's Resolution Challenge (Jan/Feb) plus Bikini Boot Camp (Apr/May).  But if you decide to do this after Feb 11, the price goes up to $799.  Rightfully so.  I seriously feel incredibly lucky to have met Jenn, discovered For The Glow and become a Lifetime Member for such a great value.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now.  (Fortunately, these days said soapbox does not buckle under the pressure of my person.)  I'm just so unbelievably excited at how I look & feel right now that I just want you all to come Glow with me.

Note:  The For The Glow website is under construction right now so while this link will work for you to learn more about Jenn & the program as well as sign up, you won't be able to poke around the rest of it right now. But that will all change when the new site goes live on 2/11! 

Additional note:  I'm not, like, getting paid by Jenn for telling you guys about her program or for anyone who signs up.  I really & truly just wanted to share my experience with you.  That, and my newfound love of green smoothies, Amazing Grass and chia seeds. 

I Am All Of These Things

*Yes, it's been 2 months since I've written.  Let's call it summer vacation*.

I've been thinking a lot lately about different sides to our personalities, the various ways that we can behave or react depending on the moment, the many hats we all seem to wear.  We may be one person to a work colleague and someone entirely different to, say, a close friend.  We can even change throughout the day.  For example, I always call out my own "work personality", and she is someone very different from "Mommy" or "Party Girl".  But when I'm at work, does that mean I cease being Mommy?  Does my goodtime girl nature just disappear during those 8 hours a day, 5 days a week?

Of course not.

This is the wonderful thing about being a woman.  We are all of these things, all of the time.  Sometimes one part of who we are is just a little bit more obvious, it's visible, floating on the surface while the rest of our life experiences, our personal DNA, is pushed down, a little less clear, but still there nonetheless.  And, more than that, we own who we are.  I am exactly who I say I am.  And no one has the authority to tell me otherwise.

I am a full-time mother. I am a full-time marketer.  I am a full-time wife.  I am a full-time best friend.  I am a full-time party girl.  I am a full-time daughter.  I am a full-time perfectionist.  I am a full-time maker of mistakes.  I am indecisive and quick and lazy and motivated and loving and hurtful and open-minded and judgmental and smart and silly and sensitive and unthinking and joyous and blue and wonderful and weird.

I am all of these things, all of the time, simply because I am.

(I am, however, a part-time blogger.  I know I can't slip that one past you, Gentle Reader.)

Join The Club

I had a conversation on Friday about being a parent.  I was chatting with someone without kids about what it's like to have kids.  

"Tell me the truth," he said.  "The only thing anyone ever says is, 'It's the best thing I ever did.'"

I laughed and immediately replied, "It's the best thing I ever did."  Long pause.  "And it's the hardest thing I ever did."  

I'm going to speak honestly here.  Are you ready?

There are certainly been times that I have thought to myself, or even said out loud to Tim, why in the hell did we decide to have a kid?  Being a parent is unbelievably hard - especially when you are as selfish as I am.  It is not about *you* anymore, not ever.  (Well, maybe on Mother's Day, but you're probably committing at least 407 selfless acts on that day instead of your usual 907.)  There are the really hard days where nothing is right and no one is happy and many tears are shed.  There are the days when you just want to run away and do only what you want to do when you want to do it.  There are the days when you feel like you haven't been alone in years, and you just want to have 5 freaking minutes by yourself to silently pound a glass of wine.

And then there are the other days.  The days of baby laughs and beaming smiles.  Days of cuddles and kisses, new experiences and pure joy.  The days of growth and excitement and change.  The days of seeing the world for the first time through your child's eyes.  And these days come so much more often than the others.  

So here's the thing that I didn't say to him but should have:  Becoming a parent gives us this outrageous capacity for love.  You will love this little person more than you ever thought possible.  I think our hearts must grow 3 sizes on the day that we first see our baby's face.  And along with that love come this new & incredible compassion for others.  We are more empathetic, we are more patient, we are more kind.  I believe that, for me, being a parent has made me a better person.

(It also makes us absolute freaking superheroes.  There's something pretty cool about that too.)  

Validation Street

I said to someone the other day that I "don't normally need validation" in my life. When I said it, I actually believed it. For some reason, though, this statement has been nagging at me. And so, as I often do when I'm obsessing learning about something, I looked up the definition.

val·i·date   [val-i-deyt]

–verb (used with object), -dat·ed, -dat·ing.

1. to make valid; substantiate; confirm.

2. to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness of [xxx]

 

Now I realize what a ridiculous statement that actually was - not for everybody, but for me.  Of course I need others to substantiate my work or my thoughts or my feelings.  Of course I need confirmation that I am a marketing dynamo, that I look cute in my new top, that my blog is funny.  Of course I need you to recognize that I am good mother, a witty writer, a worthy contributor. 

Of course, I do. 

 

Someday, I will be that sort of woman who is so strong and so confident and so self-assured that she doesn't need any validation from anyone, any place, any time.  Someday I will always be the sort of woman that I can sometimes be, that woman that validates her own beliefs, that recognizes her own truths to be self-evident.  Someday I will be this woman 100% of the time.  

 

But, for today, just tell me you like me.

Badges of Honor

The other day I was at the hair salon, and I was eavesdropping - as you do - on the women at the station next to me. 

"I cannot believe that's Beyoncé.  She's way too skinny.  That's airbrushed to hell."
"Do you think she really had her baby?"
"NO."
"I don't either."
"There's no way that girl would have only gained that tiny bit of weight.  If Beyoncé was pregnant, she would've been HUGE.  She would have had fat freakin' arms.  Her face would be all bloated and huge.  Girlfriend puts on WEIGHT.  You just know she'd be that pregnant woman with the nasty gas, zits and a mustache."

It was at this point that I began to interrupt to say, "And clearly, you have children too.  Cause that's the only way you're allowed to even comment about pregnancy...and get away with it."

I was thisclose.  But I chose to keep my mouth shut.  Hey man, I really like this place, and I am not trying to start fights with random strangers.  Especially as I was 99% sure that this woman did not have children have her own. 

Okay, Gentle Reader, here's the thing.  If you haven't been there, you don't know.  And if you don't know, you need to shut the hell up.  Pregnancy is a messy business.  Yes, some of us get huge.  Our bodies do crazy things, make crazy sounds, turn crazy colors.  And the horrors that come along with giving birth?  Yikes.  And the post-baby experience - even years later - is still no picnic. 

Listen up - We were GROWING A PERSON inside us. Perhaps we could be cut a little bit of slack as we're rocking meaty arms, swollen faces, and acne better suited to a 13 year old boy.  Just a little bit?

And later, after that little person has officially joined our world, I say we wear our new bodies like uniforms - and with pride.  My little(ish) tummy pooch?  An achievement medal.  My less-than-perky breasts?  Life-saving gear.  Thick arms?  Necessary for combat.  Stretch marks?  Service ribbons.   

Our imperfect bodies are worthy of this recognition.  They went above and beyond the call of duty, my friends.  They are heroes.    

So what if we need a little camouflage every once in a while?

What's the Skinny?

The word "skinny" is really beginning to irritate me.  It's everywhere, and it always relates to women.  Jump on the social network of your choice and see how many times you encounter the word "skinny" in a 5 minute period.  Skinnygirl Cocktails, Skinny Bitch, Skinny Mommy, Skinny Ms. Slow Cooker (!), the list goes on.

Why are we always talking about skinny?  Why do I not see any blogs by Fit Bitch?  (Apologies to Jillian Michaels' if this is the name of her blog.)  Granted, Healthygirl Cocktails just doesn't sound right, but Healthy Mommy has a nice ring to it.

It's time this conversation stopped thinking thin and started focusing on fit.  Let's let go of the skinny and embrace the strong.  Let's start naming our blogs and Twitter handles after our real accomplishments in life, instead of something that signifies we were born with good genes.  Let's stop weighing our self-worth in calories and fat grams.  And for the love of Jillian Michaels, let's stop beating ourselves up over numbers on a damn scale.

You can keep your Skinnygirl Margarita.  This Pretty-Healthy, Fairly Fit Mommy is having a martini.